sometimes the biggest battle is 99.9% mental
I have been sitting here talking to a neighbor. I was telling her about things I was doing to keep my sanity when I was in ICU for five days in February, with a lumbar drain in my back, not being able to lift my head off the pillow for 23 1/2 hours a day. I watched so much Public Broadcasting, I have not watched it since I have been home. Lost count, when I counted 300 holes in the tiles of my ICU room ceiling. Thought I would escape out the back door of the ICU until I realized the door was right across the hall from the Hospital Director’s office. The man is a Critical Care doctor, who I speak to often. He saw me pushing my IV pole around the ICU and asked me what had happened. It would have been my luck, I would be going out the door, when the director would be coming out of his office door and I would have been busted. Shoot, could not even get out of the bathroom, without the Attending Neurosurgeon waiting to speak to me. I was thinking if they wanted to find me, I would be found and escape would be futile.
The hardest things to deal with were not always physical. Once a good plan was in place to deal with the horrific spinal headaches I was okay. What was a on going battle the whole five days were the mental battles. For one as active as I am to be told I had to be flat on my back for 23 1/2 hours a day was devastating. I was really unhappy with the situation I found myself in. I thought though, “Sarah, you can do one of two things here. One, complain and make yourself and everyone helping you miserable or, two, realize this is for the best and deal with it.” I always tried to keep my sense of humor. That and my lipstick on. Hey, just because I had to wear a cruddy looking hospital gown did not mean I had to look like crud now did it?? :O)
One day as I was looking up at the ceiling and praying, I thought God, there has to be lessons to be learned here. What did l learn? Escape would have been futile and to stay put. Two, yes sometimes the biggest battle is 99.9 % mental.
Sarah
